Brooke Castillo's Blog

What are you asking yourself?

I just went on a week-long houseboat vacation.  I lived in my bathing suit.  When I wasn't water skiing or swimming, I was sitting on the sundeck reading.

When I got home and looked at the pictures, I was astounded that I had been parading around in a bikini for a week with not one negative judgment towards myself.  I had not beaten myself up once for my body.

Those of you who have suffered with your weight and body image know how miraculous this is.

I realized that my new programming has become natural at this point, and on this vacation I had only asked myself great questions. 

Questions like:

Could it be any more beautiful here?
How incredible are these kids?
How fun is this?
Who gets to have this much fun?
Does water get any better for skiing?
How could we get so lucky?
Could my husband be any cuter, funnier, worse at Mexican Train?

I never asked myself why I wasn't skinnier or prettier.  Not once.

Great questions.
Great answers.
Awesome vacation.

Do it.

Are you Bored?

Do you eat when you are bored? What is bored?

Sometimes clients tell me that they sit at home with a to do list three pages long, kids that are craving their attention, a book they have been trying to write, dinner to make and yet they feel bored.

Even with all the work they have to do and many people to share their life with, they sit on the couch feeling dull and lifeless. This is when Spicy Cheetos sound exciting. This is when a luscious tub of chocolate chocolate chunk fudge brownie cookie cake ice cream sounds amazing. When life is dull and our thoughts are boring-food all of a sudden seems like entertainment.

I can't remember right now where I heard it, but someone once said, "There is no such think as being bored, there is only being boring." Ouch! You mean bored doesn't happen to me, it is something I do? Clients never like it when I inform them of this. They want to believe that boring is something that comes over them-something they can't control. But that is simply not true.

The first thing to do when you think you are bored is to ask yourself, "Why?" Wait for the answer. What do you hear yourself saying? Do you think you are bored because "there is nothing to do" or because "everything is always the same?" Notice how these descriptions are passive. Notice how you have made yourself something that things happen to instead of someone who happens.

The truth is you can create excitement in your life and you can create joy. These are things you can actively do. They are choices. The more you listen to what you want to do and do it in your life, the less boredom you will feel. The less boredom you feel, the less exciting a bag of Cheetos will seem.

Get your excitement and joy from fulfilling your desires-not filling your stomach with unneeded food.

Originally posted:  September 2007

Prove Yourself Wrong

I have heard the negative beliefs over and over. They are all some version of the following belief: "I can't lose weight; there is something wrong with me." I have also heard all the proof for this belief. It includes past attempts and diets, no motivation to exercise, slow metabolism, no willpower, and genetics. This "evidence" is spoken to me as irrefutable truth. The broken self-promises are all pulled out as proof that you are somehow broken and not able to lose weight permanently without a struggle.

I am here to tell you that you are WRONG.

I know that sometimes it is hard to hear that everything you have believed for so many years is a lie-but it is. I know that you might have been told that you have to go on some crazy diet or get surgery in order to keep weight off permanently. I know that there are many examples of other people who have attempted to lose weight and have been unsuccessful. But none of this is evidence that proves you cannot accomplish permanent weight loss for yourself.

You can lose weight, keep it off, and end the struggle.

Period.

I don't care what anyone else has told you. I don't care how heavy your mother is. I don't care how your sister struggles too. None of that means you can't be free from overeating and excess weight.

So I am asking you to prove yourself wrong. Be willing to admit that you have made a huge mistake in believing that you can't lose weight. You have really screwed up in perpetuating the struggle by believing that somehow you don't have what it takes to live in a body that is at a comfortable and natural weight.

It was hard for me to admit that I was wrong. I don't like being wrong (just ask my husband). But I was wrong. There wasn't something different about me that made it impossible to lose weight. I was wrong when I believed my mother when she told me, "You will always be a big girl, and you will always have to watch your weight." She was wrong and I was wrong to believe her.

I am tall-not big. And I don't have to watch my weight; I have to watch my beliefs. And when I find one that is not serving me or working for me, I am willing to prove myself wrong.

Are you?

Originally posted:  Thursday, July 12, 2007

Blog Mixing

Just so you know...I really appreciate you reading my blog.  I love getting your emails and updates on how you are doing.  I know that many of you are fairly new to my blog, so I have decided to re-post some of my favorite from past years.  I will weave them in with my new postings, so if you have been a long time reader, don't worry! 

First one on its way....

Start to Learn Something you Suck At

About five years ago I decided I wanted to ski buoys.  I was water skiing with my friends at Fallen Leaf Lake in Lake Tahoe where there is a water ski buoy course and decided I needed to learn how to do this.  I have water skied since I was a teenager behind a big wake on Lake Tahoe, but I had no idea what to do with buoys. 

How hard could it be? 

Hard. 

We (Erika, David, Chris and I)  had no idea what we we doing that day, but trying to ski around those buoys became my goal.  Easier said than done.  I don't own a boat and buoy courses are not so easy to find.  Since that time I have water skied whenever I get the chance.  I will water ski behind anyone's boat at any time- I love it.  But I still have not completed a course of buoys. 

This summer I have taken two lessons. The first coach, who coaches the Sac Water Ski Team, wouldn't even let me try the buoys, he said I would be nothing but frustrated.  He said I had a long way to go.  This just fueled my desire.

 I googled water skiing and found a instructional video created by pro water skier Drew Ross.  I watched the video and decided he was the one who could teach me.  One minor wrinkle:  he lives in Orlando and I live in Sacramento.  This was not going to dissuade me.  I had my travel agent book me and my husband two tickets to Orlando, three nights hotel, and I scheduled two lessons with Drew.

 I should have known that he normally doesn't work with amateurs when we showed up without our own water skies, handles or even proper gloves.  Drew has his own lake, his own boat, and is competing for the world title in two weeks.  "Hi!  I'm Brooke and this is my husband Chris. We just came from California to learn how to ski buoys."  That is when he introduced me to his daughter, seven-year old Neily, who is not only gorgeous, well mannered and fun, but she can ski those buoys with her eyes closed. 

My new idol.

Drew explained to me that most people who compete in water skiing professionally start at the age of two.  Neily had been skiing slalom since she was three.  Starting to ski buoys in my thirties without a boat or a lake or even my own handle must have seemed ludicrous to someone like Drew, but he never once let on.

Drew pulled me and my husband up and down his lake on his skis with his handles and treated us like we were professionals.  He let us watch him ski and his daughter ski as our mouths hung open in awe.  I tried my best to ski those buoys.  I have a blister on my hand and my whole body aches.  He gave me the best coaching that may be available in the country, and still I only rounded three.  I ate it so hard one time, my bikini bottoms literally came off my body. I sucked at it so bad.  His seven year-old daughter made us look like Kindergarteners.

 But you know what?

  I loved every single minute of it.  I loved every pass where I missed the buoys and Drew would stop the boat and tell me what to work on. I loved when he told me that 13 years-old is very old to start this sport.  I loved when he told me that nothing can replace practice and repetition, and this is not something you just do on the first try.  You have to keep at it.  And then as soon as you get it, we shorten the rope and increase the speed and the sucking at it begins again.

 I am hooked.

 I love meeting myself on that course. I love having my doubts come up and pushing through them.  I love learning something brand new in my thirties that challenges me on every level. I love meeting new people and talking to someone who loves his sport so much, he doesn't mind teaching a couple of old rookies how its done.

DO this for yourself.

Pick something hard that you have always wanted to do.

Then suck at it.

This is here to help me

This is my new favorite thought.

I like saying this about anything.

Try it. It feels good.

You lose money in the stock market.

"This is here to help me."

You gain five pounds.

"This is here to help me."

Someone is mean to you .
You lose a friend.
You get fired.
Your computer crashed.
You are confused by what to do with your life.

It is all here to help you.

Truly.

All part of the plan.

Perfect.

Helpful.

Important.

Intended.

It is 107 degrees here where I live and I have a mosquito bite that won't stop itching.

This is here to help me.

It is what I need in this moment to live my life.

And I will.

My Lifetime of Deliberate Practice

I often get emails asking me how I know what I know and do what I do.  I usually reply the same answer to everyone, so I thought I would share it with anyone else who wonders about me as a coach.

I have spent my life reading self help books.  My first memory of getting hooked was when I was 15 years old and breaking up with my boyfriend.  I was in excruciating emotional pain because of unprocessed pain from my childhood.  I went to the bookstore and bought Robin Norwood's book, "Women Who Love Too Much."  I started reading it in the tub that evening and didn't stop until the book was done and the water was cold.  That book gave me tremendous relief.  I immediately felt a deep love for Robin, who clearly understood my pain.  I was not alone.

Since that day, I have made it a life-long habit to go to the bookstore when I feel any type of emotional pain.  This habit of "reading for relief" eventually turned into the habit of "reading for any dang reason at all." I mostly read non-fiction, self help, and psychology.  I have also been known to read a business book on the side.  Authors have become my mentors, friends, confidants and saviors.

Now, you must know, when I read a book I really read it.  I read it, underline it, think about it, question it, apply it, and live it for a while.  I suspend my judgment on most ideas until I have tried them out for myself.  I do the worksheets, practice the practices, and consider the concepts on a deep level.  Many times I end up integrating the practices into my life and other times I toss out ideas that don't resonate with the way I live my life.

It always amuses me when someone, who has read my book, writes me and tells me it isn't working- as if my book could do the work for them.  When I reply and ask if they are keeping the journals or writing down the thoughts, I am never surprised when they send back their list of excuses.

Knowledge not applied can't change your life.

But, take it from me, if you apply the knowledge that resonates with you from each book you read;  you will have the life of your dreams before you know it.  Let others who have gone before you show you the way.

That's how I do it and have done it since I was 15 years old.

Thank you, Robin.

How does it feel to want?

My friend, Meadow, pointed out to me that when I want something I feel good.  She noted that most people feel crappy when they want.

The difference?

Many people don't believe they can have what they want.

I do.

When I want something-I believe I will someday have it.  Now or later doesn't matter.  I get excited at the prospect of it, so I don't need it right this second to feel great about it.

I want the new iphone
I want a pair of black Jimmy Choo heels I saw at Foot Candy.
I want to go water skiing on Thursday with my friend, Dava.
I want to buy a boat
I want to go on another date with my husband

I want more peace in the world

I want the economy to flourish

I want everyone to feel as proud to be an American as I do.

I want to help more people become free of extra weight and self punishment

I want us all to make even more money and give even more away.

Wanting excites me.

If, when you think about what you want, you feel any negative emotion, my guess is you will never get it.  That is not how the universe works.  You get to want from a place of positive attraction, and then there is nothing that you can't have. 

But when you "get" it doesn't matter, because you already feel that it's yours.

Oh no...not again!

"I can't believe I gained this weight back again."

" I can't believe I ran this credit card up again."

" I can' believe I dated another jerk."

I know better.
I can't get anything right.
I am a failure.
I will NEVER get it.
Something is wrong with me.

Blah Blah Blah

Enough with the drama already.
Aren't you tired of treating yourself like you suck?

I remember doing this to myself over and over and over.
I see my clients do it to themselves.
Listen, you must stop beating yourself up.

The problem is not that you overate or that you gained 70 pounds back.
The problem is not that you overspend or are in credit card debt.

The problem is that you use this as evidence that you aren't worthy or good enough to live the life of your dreams.

Gaining all the weight back that you lost means only one thing...
(and there is no drum roll-there is no drama)

It means you are still trying to get your attention to some of your own self work.
You aren't done with you yet.
You have more to learn about you.
You have more connection to create with your own self.

Running up your credit cards again, when you promised yourself you wouldn't, is just INTERESTING.  It is an opportunity to get to know WHY.  Learn about yourself and why you go unconscious in your own life.

Practice the tools that help you manage your own mind and your own thoughts. Keep practicing.  You might gain the weight back 10 times before you really get the hang of it...

WHO CARES?

Be nice to yourself and give yourself time to go deeper.
Notice those ridiculous and mean thoughts you think.

For a while, your pattern may look like this:

Get the hang of it
See the cool result in your life
Screw it all up completely by checking out
Get the hang of it (again)

You might have to do this 20 times before you realize you haven't screwed it up in years.

But, by that time, you will be screwing up something completely new...

One more opportunity to go deeper into your own self.

Your own life.

Be willing to do it again and again and again.

Do it with understanding and kindness.

Again.

What is supposed to happen...does.

Today, while cleaning my patio with my jet spray hose, I hosed a humming bird nest out of one of our table umbrellas.

I didn't realize what I had done until the mama came and frantically buzzed around my head.  It was horrible. She kept looking for the nest.  I am not sure how many eggs were in there, but I am pretty sure none of them will make it.

An hour later I saw her flying around looking for it again.

This was devastating to me.

My husband, who is adorable, of course told me that it was an accident and that she would lay more eggs.

As I continued to obsess about it, he told me that it was in the past and there was nothing I could do about it now.  He hugged me and held me.  He helped me put the nest back in case she wanted to reuse it.  He talked about it with me endlessly.

I still felt awful.

Hummingbirds are so beautiful and dainty and small.  I felt like a big predator.

So I went to yoga and on the way down I coached myself.  I monitored my thoughts and saw how painful they were.  I reminded myself that worrying about it would not help.  I tried to give myself a break and worked through my self coaching model.

When I got to yoga I felt slightly better.

Then, as we began to breathe deeply, this thought came to me: "What is supposed to happen...does."

That nest was supposed to get sprayed out of the umbrella.
I was the one who was supposed to do it.

How do I know this? 
Because that is exactly what happened.

So, instead of asking myself why this was supposed to happen, I dedicated the rest of my yoga practice to just being in the moment of it having happened.  I breathed it in and accepted it.  I stopped arguing with the past I could not change.

That nest was supposed to be unknowingly destroyed.
There is no use in blaming or hating or fighting or eating over it.
Mama bird was supposed to have that experience.
I was supposed to have this one.
That is what is.

Not all endings are happy.
Not all things turn out so we can feel good.
Sometimes we can't find a "bright side" or the "good news," and maybe we aren't supposed to.

Maybe we can just find peace in the way things are.
I love that mama hummingbird and I didn't even know I loved her.
I didn't know I would feel so much love today...

What is supposed to happen...does.