Brooke Castillo's Blog

I would like to excuse myself from your business

I love the way this sounds.

I love that I can say this anytime I start getting into someone else's business.  Whether I am in their business because I think I know how they should live their life in someway, or I am in their business because I am believing they know how to live mine;  I love that (if it feels bad) I can excuse myself.

The word excuse is the key here.

I am not yelling at them to stay the hell out of my business.  I am not flipping them off because they won't do what I say.

I am saying "excuse me" as if slightly apologizing for my audacity to think I know more about how they should think or behave than they do.  I am "excusing myself" as if from a meal or a party that I no longer want to partake in. 

It's not violent or angry.  It is mannered and gentle.  It is acknowledging that I have found myself in a place I do not want to be and will now excuse myself.

For example:

Someone feels offended and is expressing their outrage that I won't take them on as a client.  They are ranting on and on about how it is my responsibility to help them and that I can't be so busy not to take them on....

It is at this point that I excuse myself from their business.

Or another example:

I think my husband should medicate my mother-in-law when she is highly anxious.  I am indignant about it and forcing him to listen to the list of perfect reasons I have to prove this is the best course of action.  As we raise our voices in disagreement..I pause and say apologetically say to him,

"It is at this point that I would like to excuse myself from your business."

I have enough of my own business.  I am in people's business for a living, helping them sort out their most intimate thoughts and their relationship with their own minds.  I am invited into my kid's business, my friend's business, and I welcome the people I love into mine when appropriate.

For the other precious moments of my life- I want to excuse myself from other peoples' business.

Just so you know...

Not that you care or need to know, but just in case you do...

I do not want to be a "hot" grandmother.

When I am 70, I don't want to look like I am 40.

 I want to look like grandma.

I want to be in good health and good spirits, but not without wrinkles or laugh lines.

I am looking forward to the day when I can focus on baking and gardening, puttering and resting.

I, for sure, want to still be having sex with my husband and romance on Friday nights.

But I don't want my face to be frozen to look like it did 10 years ago with botox and fillers.  I want to grow into my oldness and go deeper into who I am as a wife, mother, and hopefully grandmother.

I want to be available to those I love.

I want to smell good and wear appropriate, but pretty, clothes for my age.

I look at some older women these days and my heart aches for the their faces that are frozen in the past.  I have compassion for their minds that think somehow things were better "then."

But, often, I see other women who are embracing their age and their changing bodies and faces with humor and happiness...

These are the women I idolize and admire.

I want to follow in their wise and beautiful and wrinkled footsteps.

I want to be warm (not hot) as a woman embracing "the way of it."

I hope you'll join me ...

The measure of a woman...

I was watching a TV program the other night and a young athlete was thanking his coach who had taught him so much by telling him,  "The true measure of a man is in how much it takes to discourage him."

I love this quote.  I love it even more when you replace man with woman:

"The true measure of a woman is in how much it takes to discourage her."

I have seen so many of my weight loss clients work through issue after issue without allowing any setback to discourage them.  They go through setbacks, injuries, overeating, negative thinking, criticism, weight gain, and loss without ever allowing the discouragement to take over and lead them.

I am always in awe of this.  I am always inspired when a client tells me that they "did their work" and didn't let the circumstance or action of their life dictate their life's result.  Ultimately these women lose weight and a lot of it.  But much more importantly, they learn that they are the one in control of their interior experience and how they feel.  They learn that discouragement is a feeling caused by a thought-not an inevitable result of working towards something they want.

I have also had many other clients let discouragement get to them from the first thing that "doesn't go their way."  They might gain a pound, or miss a workout, or hear something negative from a friend and dive into a place of discouraged feelings, actions, and ultimately results.  These clients tend to blame others for their feelings and results and feel sorry for themselves.

I love each of these clients equally, but I do notice that the ones who disallow discouragement ALWAYS are the ones who end up measuring their success on the scale and in their relationship with themselves.

How much does it take to discourage you?

Dane Cook

I realize I am not normal.

I LOVE Eckhart Tolle and I LOVE  Dane Cook.

Can you imagine having these two to dinner?  Seriously.

I am sitting here on the phone this morning with my best friends waiting for the pre-sale tickets to Dane's new concert.  We are such huge fans, we want to buy the first available tickets.

As I am waiting and browsing Dane's site, I come across the following in his FAQs:

Isn't he awesome?

Yes he is.

Does it feel like love?

I am a huge fan of my colleague, Jeanette Maw.  She just rocks. No way around it. She recently completed a product called The Art of Self Love that I have been studying this past week.  It is a fantastic product that you can get from her website if you are interested.

On the first audio she talks with her friend and fellow coach, Judy Kinney , about Law of Attraction.  I love this audio because they laugh so much as they teach such valuable information.  I love coaches who laugh!  Anyway, Judy said something that made me stop my walk (I was listening on my ipod) and pause the audio to think about.  She said one of her favorite questions to ask herself is: "Does this feel like love?"

DOES THIS FEEL LIKE LOVE?

Awesome question.

This made me think of all my weight loss clients who have a hard time telling the difference between overeating and self comfort.  I imagined them each asking themselves Judy's question as they eat.

The truth is- eating fuel and stopping when I am no longer hungry feels like love to me.  Taking long walks and drinking fresh water and having just the right amount in my stomach feels like love.  Overeating Oreos, fog eating Doritos and feeling over stuffed does not feel like love.

We move towards loving ourselves when we move towards thoughts and things that feel like love.  We think loving thoughts that lead to loving actions towards ourselves and our lives when we make love a priority.

It is almost impossible to love ourselves unconditionally and abuse our bodies with food or anything else.

Thank you Judy for sharing the great question.

I hope you all use it as you go through your day.

How much of your day feels like love?

What can you change to love yourself more?